What Parents Say v. What Parents Mean

Hello!

I'm back, I'm alive, and I'm doing a bit better! Yay, writer's block is slowly retreated. Back beast, back! * sprays with holy water * Anyway, that's all I have the energy to say, so let's get onto the actual post:

Ah, parents.

We love ‘em.  At least, I hope we do.  It’s be a very sad world if we didn’t love our parents.  And there’s a dedicated vocabulary for parents to use that every kid under the sun knows the true meaning of.  Here’s the ones that I’m most familiar with - tell me in the comments, do your parents use these words?  No? Yes?  Maybe?  Sometimes?

Are you going upstairs?  Here’s something I want you to carry upstairs.

When you go upstairs....  You’re going to get something for me from upstairs, but I’m going to make it sound like you’re doing me a favor

Go get the mop/broom/vacuum.  You’re going to mop/broom/vacuum up this mess that someone made (it was probably you)

Is this your stuff?  This is your stuff and you are going to clean it up right now young lady

Yes, you can go, if you get all your chores done first!  You are most likely not going

Of course your friends can come over!  You can have so much fun outside.  I don’t care if it’s cold/raining/snowing outside, you are not staying inside and driving me insane all afternoon

What? 50% of the time, this is just, "eh, I didn't hear you." The other 50%, it's, "God help you, I heard what you said and this is your one and only chance to change the past before you are brutally murdered.

Uh-huh, moms know everything.  There is a mom mafia, and we will put you to death and make it look like an accident.  Do not doubt me child*

Have you seen the cat?  Oooooohmigosh I think I accidentally let the cat out when I was bringing the groceries inside

Have you seen the dog?  I am going to KILL that dog it pooped on the carpet again!

Your father and I have been talking and....  Sit down, son, cuz you gonna be here a while and there will be tears

Can you babysit for so-n-so?  You’re going to babysit for so-n-so and be grateful for the five bucks they give you after six hours of temper tantrums

*Cheerful voice*  Thank you for your help!  I expect you to help from now on, no grumbling, no exceptions

*Flat voice*  Thank you for your help.  It’s about TIME someone helped me around here!

Oh, I love it, thank you!  Why in the world did you get me this for my birthday.  I asked for gardening tools.  THIS IS NOT GARDENING TOOLS.

Maybe.  No.

Perhaps.  No.

Yeah.  No.

Of course!  Maybe

No.  No, you bad child, you’ve been a living incarnation of hell and now you want ice cream?!

Uhhuh.  Affirmative enough that you’ll leave me alone, but subtle enough that I can pretend that this never happened later on

Later.  No.

On the way back.  No.  Forget about it.

*you think I was joking about the mom mafia?  What do you think happened to my brother?