8 Fashion Must-Haves (Uses You'd Never See coming!)

Fashion Friday #1
Well this is new!  I'm starting a weekly post called...as you might guess...Fashion Friday.  This is the first post (surprise surprise!).  ...  I'm going to stop being snarky now and actually do the post.

Disclaimer:  Continue at your own risk!  All detentions, suspensions, arrests, and attacks are simply not my fault.  Don't blame it on me - I just gave the advice, I didn't say to do it.  -_-

This week's post: Eight Things You Can Have on your Person in case of a
Zombie Apocalypse and/or Kidnapping and/or Spy Work without looking Paranoid/Suspicious and still looking Fashionable.  In other words, these girly-girl things have more than one use!  Ka-boom.

• Item Numero One:  Headphones.  Fashionably speaking, wearing headphones gives your style (professional, street-thug, or even rainbow-unicorn-threw-up-on-me-Justice-slash-Justin-Beiber look) a sense of casual-ness.  I know it's not a word.  Anyway, from a more practical point of view, with the proper set of obvious but not clunky headphones (get a headset, but make it neon pink, not helicopter pilot), people will literally say anything in front of you.  The key, I might add, is to NOT play music, no matter how much you love that album...don't do it!  If anyone asks you the very stupid question, "Can you hear me?" and then you don't say a word, they will proceed to either A) vocally abuse you, B) say stuff that they would never say in front of you or C) talk like normal people.  At any rate, make good use of those sweet headphones of yours - they're an evil weapon used the right way.

• Ok, moving on to Number 2: Lipgloss.  Yes, good for brightening your lips - and I'm not saying that you shouldn't use it for that - but it has a more, er...immediate use than that.  Depending on the type of lipgloss (chapstick style v.s. actual gloss) it can be used better than just making your already adequate lips pinker.  If you are ever kidnapped via car, simply pull out that chapstick style gloss and you can start to write things like "help me" or "maniac <=" on the windows, all the while, I hope, screaming and pounding on the windows as much as possible.  Neighboring cars are sure to notice and hopefully your saviors are not idiots and will call the police.

• Rolling along to #3: Mirrors.  Mirrors have a number of uses, including fixing that mess of hair and doing your makeup (like many people most annoyingly do in public.  Take a hint: don't do that)  Besides that however, they have a whole lovely set of practical uses.  I'm going to take these step by step:
• Uses for Mirrors #1:  Looking behind you.  You never know when you'll need to check to see if someone is tailing you, pointing a gun to you head, or making faces at your back (depending at your social status, it could be all three of these).  Mirrors of all kinds can be used to check these sort of things.  Might I add if you take a flat mirror and put it in a book, you can easily look behind you without looking particularly weird.
• On a similar note, #2:  Looking around corners.  This may sound the same, but in a different sense.  I don't do this nearly as often.  ...  Don't judge.
• Uses for Mirrors #3:  (I'm almost done!) Blinding Opponents.  You may have to have some time or a very good sense of physics, but if you do have the time, any attacker/annoying person (spotted using #1 and/or #2) can easily be temporarily diverted by flashing a beam of light in their face.  Especially useful for those really annoying people with glasses (hey wait a minute... :-(! )
• Finally, #4: Starting fires.  Every found yourself in the middle of no where with nothing but lipgloss and a mirror?  Probably not, unless you were reading this post as you were kidnapped by some people-dropping aliens.  However, just in case you were, with a decently sunny day you can start a small fire using an extremely well angled mirror.

• Item #4: Gum.  Besides the fact that you love your gum, the fact that any good fashionista always have gum in her tiny purse, and the fact that they make excellent noise makers, gum also makes the best diversion ever (if you don't mind possibly getting into slightly sticky situations - I'm hilarious)  Anywho, with any kind of gum (preferable a sticky, gummy sort of gum - I suggest Big Red, has a nice flavor) you can easily and permanently jam up keyholes, gross out 99.9 percent of the people in the world, or disrupt final exams.  Behave.
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• Alrighty, we're a-chugging along!  Number 5!  Heels.  The almighty heels...I'm telling you you have no idea the powers pumps possess (say that five times fast).  This all depend on family rule and such, but a good pair of heels will allow you to - count 'em - fashionably arrive at church (if you go to church), look amazing at any social gatherings, increase your hight (maybe not for Jillian or Madison, but for midgets like me I need it), gives you a killer entrance, improves your professional status, and adds a nice punch to any kick you give.  Yes, this is the most unexpected reason to wear heels, but if you are ever attacked in heels and give said attacker one or two kicks in the guts you will never be attacked again.  Do not take this lightly: this will seriously hurt.  I will be covering more on heels next week (Fashionista Skillz)
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• Not much longer of my rambling, #6: Sunglasses.  Ok.  Admit it.  At some point in your life, you have decided that sunglasses are cool.  They are.  Why do you think that everybody in the movies that is cool wears sunglasses (up until the scene that he/she dies - yah, he dies)  Anyway, take heart, you're not going to die.  Anyway, use sunglasses for more than coolness factor - use it for secretly viewing your surroundings.  With the right pair of sunglasses, you can see the world that you were missing out on (and no, unlike in the movies, you will not gain superpowers.  I was just saying that if you wear sunglasses that you can...oh forget it)
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• Almost there (even I'm a little tired) #7:  A sketchbook.  Nothing says "cute artist" like a sketchbook.  However, you know that's not what we're here for, so moving on.  Even the sweetest of people knows that at some point you will have to protect yourself from incoming missiles - although, instead of from radical terrorist groups, little brothers.  A good sturdy sketchbook can also be used to retaliate.  Evil grin.
• Finally, Noelle is done!  #8!  The most random weapon in a "girly-girl"'s arsenal is a good vocal punch.  Yes, I am referring to sass.  I just blew your minds (don't bother denying it...yes, I can see you!)  Why is sass so important you might ask?  Well assuming that the annoying friend's brother, enemy spy, or maniacal kidnapper is not running away screaming by now because of your other very effective weapons, allow me to assume that you are screwed.  However, if you are going down, might as well go down guns firing.  And I mean a very, very refined sense of sarcasm, a nasty vocal kick, and lots and lots of sass.  Take that!!!  And that!!!  (this is coming up next week also)

There you have it!  8 must-haves for practical girls (like Princess Fifi Buttercup the Short - comment if you got it)  Next week:  Skillz that all People (including you fashion girls) should acquire!